


don't leave me in the dark

by Mohnblume



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:42:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26523112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mohnblume/pseuds/Mohnblume
Summary: Emma is lying to her, Regina knows.Emma is lying to her, and she can feel the euphoria that comes with love fade away to the heart wrenching sorrow that comes with loss. Because she knows. She knows that there’s only one way that this ends. With her losing everything.In which Regina has a breakdown and Emma comes to her with a question.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 12
Kudos: 158





	don't leave me in the dark

**Author's Note:**

> I needed some angst, have this ball of feels.

Emma is lying to her, Regina knows. 

Emma is lying to her, and she can feel the euphoria that comes with love fade away to the heart wrenching sorrow that comes with loss. Because she knows. She knows that there’s only one way that this ends. With her losing everything. 

After so long, after curses, and boyfriends, and husbands, she finally has what she wants. Emma showed up on her door a year after she’s been crowned the Good Queen, with a shy ‘hi’ and a ‘Hook and I got a divorce’ and Regina has never been able to deny Emma anything. From there, reconnecting turned into late night chats with wine and sitting too close to one another. 

The kiss that concludes one of their late night chats isn’t surprising. It’s all Regina has ever wanted, soft, achingly soft, full of love. Their chats turn into date night, and asking Granny to watch Hope, and a little girl running to her in the morning yelling, “Mama!” It’s nice. It’s the happy ending Regina has always wanted, that she’s finally got after everything. 

And now it really is an ending. Because Emma is lying to her. She has been for weeks now. 

It started off with little things, things that Regina brushed off. A few instances where Emma would go out with Ruby and Regina running into the girl. When questioned, the younger woman would claim ignorance, stating that she had no idea where the Sheriff was. 

Then it was Emma’s trips out of Storybrooke. Those didn't seem to be lies, but Emma’s excuses are always lackluster. At first, Regina was angry. Did Emma expect her to believe that the blonde wanted to collect things from her old apartment in New York? Especially after the first time, when she returned with nothing .Regina had done some internet sleuthing, and after calling the landlord to confirm, had discovered that the apartment had been rented out to new tenants years ago. 

Fury began to fade to resignation. By the seventh time Emma had made up an excuse to leave town for the weekend, Regina had come to the conclusion that Emma was on the verge of running. Maybe from her, maybe from the town. Just away. 

After coming to this conclusion, Regina hardly pays attention to Emma’s excuses. She knows this is the end, so she retreats herself. Emma is too preoccupied with other things to notice. Regina hopes that Emma is not meeting another lover. A failed relationship she can handle, a betrayal she cannot.

Still, Emma comes home to her bed and her arms more often than not. Regina allows herself this one comfort, even if it increasingly feels like a lie. 

During the day, she’s busy. She’s still a queen, after all, and of all the realms no less. She attends meetings after meetings, always gracious, letting the worries of her people numb her mind. There’s a constant stream of people and an endless number of problems to solve. 

In the evening, she hides. She rearranges the secret room in her vault, locking it with the strongest blood magic. Zelena is her only blood relative alive, and she doubts the other woman will be interested in her petty love life. Her sister only comes to visit once a year. 

When Emma finally does notice, it’s three months after the first weekend Emma spent away. Three months of Regina dreading coming home, of longing, of grieving a relationship that isn’t quite over, but nearing its time.

Regina knows that the blonde only notices because she’s regularly coming home after midnight from her vault, and this particular day has hit particularly hard on her. She’s just finished reforming the marriage laws, instating realm-wide recognition of same-sex marriages. She’s been met with vile slurs and narrow-minded people all day, and the pressure of changing something so important, yet so controversial is weighing on her mind. 

She thinks bitterly to when she had first put this plan into motion. She and Emma had just celebrated their six month anniversary, and she was finally secure in her role as the Good Queen. Regina had been itching to make some changes in some of the rather backwards realms and Emma had suggested marriage laws. She never could say no to Emma. 

And this day, she’s been looking forward to it for months. Had spent countless family dinners boasting about the change and how this would only be the beginning of her reforms. 

That was before. 

Now, Emma hasn’t asked about her work in weeks, and Regina is nearly positive that her lover has forgotten about her entirely. 

It stings. It stings, and she had hid. It’s nearly three in the morning when she finally gives in to her exhaustion and slips into the mansion. 

Emma had sleepily accepted her into the bed, curling around her. She might have noticed that Regina was tense, or maybe she had been noisier than usual and woken the blonde up. But Emma had thrown an arm and a leg around her body, sluggishly slurring, “missed you.”

A sob broke through her lips before Regina could stop it. She tried to stop it, slapping a hand across her mouth, the other arm curling around herself protectively. But it’s too late, and Emma was fully awake now. 

“Regina?” she asked, her tone so soft, “What’s wrong, darling?”

Emma only uses pet names when she knows Regina is really upset. Normally, the words fill her up with love and light, but now, it sits heavily at the bottom of her stomach. She curled further into herself, trying to stop the sobs from escaping her chest. They’re muffled, strangled things now, and Emma reached around to take the hand that’s clamped on her lips. 

This is the old game they play, where one gently pries and prods at the other until their walls come down enough to let the love and care in. Now, Regina can’t fathom letting her guard down, allowing Emma to care for her, not when she’s missing and grieving. Not when this love has a timer, when it’s almost run out. 

“Gina, baby, talk to me. What’s wrong?” Emma whispered into her hair, trying to pull her in. 

And that’s the breaking point. This is the moment when Regina knows she needs to flee, else she risk shattering right there in their bed. 

Raising a shaky hand, she waves it in the air, letting her signature purple surround her, taking her body away from the warm bed. It’s lighter now that she has been redeemed, now that she has light magic, but she imagines in the moment that it still looks as dark as it ever did. 

She materializes in her vault, in the secret room she has arranged here. It feels like it’s the only place in all the realms that is truly hers, truly a place no one will ever find her. It’s absurd, really, she knows that it’s the first place anyone will look for her. But with the wards, she’s sure that no one can enter. 

Thankful for her foresight, she sinks into the stiff bed in the dark. The room she’s created is not much different from her room in the old palace in the Enchanted Forest. Maybe she still has a tendency for self punishment, but it feels right. It feels good to be huddled within cold stone walls, nursing a heartbreak. Symbolic. 

The chill of the underground hideout begins to seep into her bones. Regina is laying on top of the thin blankets, but she can’t seem to muster the energy or the will to slide under them. Her mind helpfully reminds her that she does not deserve the warmth, that this is her punishment for driving her girlfriend away. 

She spends the next hour resolutely trying not to cry. At this point, she’s allowed herself the small comfort of curling into a ball. Shivers wrack her body, and her growling stomach reminds her that she hasn’t eaten in hours, maybe days. Self-care has never been high on the Queen’s priorities, and she struggles with it even on the best of days. 

This is decidedly not one of her better days. During her second hour of self imposed isolation, the guilt settles in. She’s left without any warning, and even if her relationship with Emma is doomed, that was quite immature. 

But even as she comes to this realisation, she can’t quite make herself go back. Maybe she’s too much of a coward, or maybe her walls aren’t strong enough anymore, but the thought of returning to her failing relationship is more than she can bear. 

As a compromise, she summons her phone to her hiding spot. There’s many missed calls and texts, but just the sight of Emma’s contact photo smiling at her is too much and she quickly dismisses them. 

Regina goes to put her phone down, berating herself for her weakness, when a text from Henry comes through. 

Are you okay?

It only serves to magnify her guilt. Not only is she a terrible girlfriend, she’s also a terrible mother. 

The tears she’s been so stubbornly holding back begin to fill in her eyes as she goes to reassure her son. Midway through typing back her message, another text comes through. 

Ma’s worried. 

A sob breaks through her resolve. Her sweet boy. Always looking after everyone else. As much as it intensifies her guilt, it also warms her heart. Somehow Henry has turned out to be a wonderful young man. 

She finishes her message and hits send.

I am fine, Henry. Tell your mother I am sorry for worrying her. I love you. 

Henry’s reply is instantaneous. 

Talk to her, Mom. She loves you.

It’s not the reassurance it usually is. Emma wouldn’t confide in their son about relationship problems they might have. Regina trusts her with this; they had agreed that they would keep him out of any problems they might have. They were both adamant about it, in fact. 

Sighing, she places her phone on the bed next to her and resumes her former position. She just needs some time to calm down. Some time to heal the throbbing in her heart. 

Despite the chill that wracks her body, Regina manages to fall asleep. Emotions have always been draining to her, because she feels so deeply. When she wakes, it’s not to the silence she expects. 

Instead, she jolts awake to furious pounding on the wall to her secret room. Groggy and confused with sleep, she staggers to the wall and nearly waves the hidden door open before she realises what she’s doing. She stops, standing still in the middle of the room, worry eating away at her belly. 

It’s this look of distress that greets her family when they barge through the wall. Emma at the front, a wild look in her eyes, standing next to Zelena who is holding a tissue to her bleeding finger. Henry standing at the rear.

As soon as they see her, they begin to speak at once.

“Gina, what happened?

“Are you okay, Mom?”

“Regina, what are you doing here?”

It’s too much, their concern. The open love shining in their eyes, is salt in the stinging wound in her heart. 

She retreats further into the room, arms coming unconsciously to wrap around herself. 

“I’m sorry,” is all she can manage, her voice low and wavering. 

Emma, as always, seems to sense that she’s overwhelmed. She turns to Zelena and Henry, murmuring, “We’ll meet you back at the house.” 

Regina watches as her son and sister fade back through the wall, leaving her alone with Emma. The two stand, facing one another, unspeaking. It’s reminiscent of their time feuding over curses and sons, only this time there is no anger. Just fear and concern. 

Emma breaks the silence first. 

“Gina,” she says, taking a few steps forward. Her arms are out, approaching Regina as if she’s a cornered animal. 

It’s too much. It’s always too much. More than she deserves.

“No!” she says, eyes wild. She _needs_ Emma to understand, needs her to know that she’s weak and needy, but she understands. Understands why Emma has to go, because Regina has always been too much and not enough where it matters.

“Just go! Just go, Emma, because I can’t stand it when you do this. I can’t stand it, just go!”

“Gina,” Emma repeats, voice as soothing as ever, “what are you talking about? What’s going on? What am I doing?”

“Leaving!” she sobs. It’s too much. It’s too much and she collapses hard onto the cold stone ground, her shivers mixing with the heaving of her chest. 

Gentle arms wrap around her and how Regina hates herself for leaning into them. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Emma whispers into her hair. 

Regina wrenches herself out of Emma’s grasp. “Everyone leaves! Everyone leaves or dies and it’s always my fault. It’s me, it’s _always_ me! I know you’re not going to the apartment, I know you’re just going to get away from me. I know you’re going to leave me, and I can’t - I can’t--” 

The sobs steal her words and Emma captures her trembling form once more. 

“We’re going to talk about your guilt complex later,” Emma says dryly before softening her tone. “I’m sorry for lying to you. I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“I--wha--” Regina tries, her half-words coming out warbled as she struggles against her tears. Emma just holds her, patient as ever, rubbing her back and carding her fingers through her hair. It’s soothing, and Regina is _so weak._

“I’m not leaving you,” the blonde repeats, because she knows Regina so intimately and sometimes even queens need reassurance.

They stay like this for what could be hours, Emma holding her beloved. The younger woman must be sore, Regina knows, as her own knees and legs ache from the hard floor they sit on. The guilt creeps back, but Emma’s arms are like a protective spell, warding the bad thoughts away. 

Finally, Regina’s cries quiet enough for her to speak. 

“A surprise?” 

Emma grins, bright and wide. She scrambles back, and Regina misses her warmth. 

Then she pulls out a black box from the pocket of her signature red leather jacket and Regina’s heart alights with fire. 

“I shouldn’t have lied. I’m terrible at it, and you’re much too perceptive. Can’t get away with anything,” Emma says wryly, and oh, Regina has never been happier to have been wrong. 

Before she can burst into tears again, or spew the copious apologies that are on the tip of her tongue, Emma is speaking again. 

“I’m not leaving, Regina, my queen, because I want to be yours. I want us to live in that big house and have fancy balls with your subjects and go to Granny’s on Sundays. I want to watch you be a grandmother to Henry’s kids, and I want to hold you when you cry at their birthdays. You’re it for me, Regina, and I want you to be mine forever. I want you, Regina Mills. Marry me, Gina, so that we will never be apart again.”

Emma is down on one knee, a little disheveled and breathless. Regina has makeup and tears smeared down her cheeks and is half lying on the ground. Somehow, it’s the most perfect proposal Regina can think of, and there’s nothing else she can do but launch herself at the blonde.

“Yes,” she manages between the kisses.

Emma makes a small sound of discomfort, and Regina transfers them into the bed across the room. It’s amazing to her how warm it seems now, when only hours ago, it felt like the dead of winter. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, because Regina can never really just enjoy a good thing. She pulls away slightly, tilting her head down in shame. 

Two fingers hook under her chin, pulling her gaze up into shining green eyes. 

“Regina. We all have demons. I know you’ve been hurt before. I know you don’t trust easily, and it never was my intention to make you think I was leaving. I want you, and only you.” Emma’s stroking her hands, thumb circling the new ring on her finger. “Talk to me next time, okay babe? I won’t have my wife hide her pain from me again.”

She lets the horrendous pet name slide just this once and just gazes at her fiancée. 

This time, the love and care in Emma’s green eyes doesn’t overwhelm her. She goes to capture the plush lips below them, when --

“It’s about time my baby sis got hitched!”

“Finally Moms!”

And Regina wouldn’t trade this crazy family for anything.


End file.
